I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.
No, I don't think you're paranoid. I think you're the opposite of paranoid. I think you walk around with the insane delusion that people like you.
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea.
My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign
I keep wondering if there is an afterlife, and if there is will they be able to break a twenty?
You look up after many years and you find that a film has become a classic because it's meaningful to people and alive, decade after decade.
To me nature is... spiders and bugs, and big fish eating little fish, and plants eating plans, and animals eating... It's like an enormous restaurant, that's the way I see it.
Existence for eternity could get a little boring... especially towards the end.
In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.
You make films whether they're dramas or comedies about neurotic people. Flawed people. Interesting personality traits. To make them about calm, stable untroubled people isn't interesting.
How am I immature? Intellectually, emotionally, and sexually. Yeah, but in what other ways?
I've always believed that thoughtful people don't really take the tabloids seriously. They're basically a form of entertainment. I enjoy them as much as the next New Yorker.
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I've had a very productive life. I've worked very hard, I've never fallen prey to depression. I'm not sure I could have done all of that without being in psychoanalysis.
We stand at a crossroads. One path leads to despair, the other to destruction. Let's hope we make the right choice.
In formulating any philosophy the first consideration must always be: What can we know? That is, what can we be sure we know, or sure that we know we knew it, if indeed it is at all knowable. Or have we simply forgotten it and are too embarrassed to say anything? Descartes hinted at the problem when he wrote, 'My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs.
Sex and death are two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.
When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing.
Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.
I don't know what I'm doing, but my incompetence has never stopped my enthusiasm.
The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.
Is it better to be the lover or the loved one? Neither, if your cholesterol is over six hundred. By love, of course, I refer to romantic love - the love between man and woman, rather than between mother and child, or a boy and his dog, or two headwaiters.
I foresee death by culture shock.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.
I've always been interested in being in other people's movies. I never get any offers.
Sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. Sun, milk, red meat...college,
Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.
Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.
Paris is a very exciting city. I learned about Paris the same way that Americans do: from the movies.
The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down.
Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.
A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.