If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
See where Congress passed a two billion dollar bill to relieve bankers' mistakes. You can always count on us helping those who have lost part of their fortune, but our whole history records nary a case where the loan was for the man who had absolutely nothing. Our theory is to help only those who can get along, even if they don't get a loan.
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
A vision, without a plan, is just a hallucination.
Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, that don't hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
A fool and his money are soon elected.
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.
The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
That's what a Congressman or a Senator is for - to see that too much money don't accumulate in the national Treasury.
Never miss a chance to shut up
There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Lord, let me live until I die.
There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don't take much to see that something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
America has the best politicians money can buy.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he has a dog, he has a friend; and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has.
In the early days of the Indian Territory, there were no such things as birth certificates. You being there was certificate enough.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Lobbyists have more offices in Washington than the President. You see, the President only tells Congress what they should do. Lobbyists tell'em what they will do.
This would be a great world to dance in if we didn't have to pay the fiddler.
You can't fool all of the people all of the time. But it isn't necessary.
Every time we have an election, we get in worse men and the country keeps right on going. Times have proven only one thing and that is you can't ruin this country even with politics.
In politics practically everything you hear is scandal, and besides, the funny thing is that the things they are whispering ain't half has bad as the things they have been saying right out loud.
About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
There is only one redeeming thing about this whole election. It will be over at sundown, and let everybody pray that it's not a tie, for we couldn't go through with this thing again.
Our public men are speaking every day on something, but they ain't saying anything.
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his money.
Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.