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    stephen leacock Quotes

    Newspapermen learn to call a murderer "an alleged murderer" and the King of England "the alleged King of England" in order to avoid libel suits.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: learn  england 
     
    If every day in the life of a school could be the last day but one, there would be little fault to find with it.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: school 
     
    It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: courage 
     
    Electricity is of two kinds, positive and negative. The difference is, I presume, that one comes a little more expensive, but is more durable; the other is a cheaper thing, but the moths get into it.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: positive 
     
    Personally, I would sooner have written Alice in Wonderland than the whole Encyclopedia Britannica.
    — Stephen Leacock
    Astronomy teaches the correct use of the sun and the planets.
    — Stephen Leacock
    I owe a lot to my teachers and mean to pay them back some day.
    — Stephen Leacock
    Humour is essentially a comforter, reconciling us to things as they are in contrast to things as they might be.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: humour 
     
    The Victorians needed parody. Without it their literature would have been a rank and weedy growth, over-watered with tears.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: growth  tears  literature 
     
    If I were founding a university I would begin with a smoking room; next a dormitory; and then a decent reading room and a library. After that, if I still had more money that I couldn't use, I would hire a professor and get some text books.
    — Stephen Leacock
    In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: time  lies 
     
    He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse and rode madly off in all directions.
    — Stephen Leacock
    I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: work  luck  believer 
     
    Advertising: the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
    — Stephen Leacock
    Being a specialist is one thing, getting a job is another.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: job 
     
    Hockey captures the essence of Canadian experience in the New World. In a land so inescapably and inhospitably cold, hockey is the chance of life, and an affirmation that despite the deathly chill of winter we are alive.
    — Stephen Leacock
    I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: die 
     
    Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: men  mistakes  girls 
     
    There are two things in ordinary conversation which ordinary people dislike - information and wit
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: people 
     
    In earlier times they had no statistics and so they had to fall back on lies. Hence the huge exaggerations of primitive literature, giants, miracles, wonders! It's the size that counts. They did it with lies and we do it with statistics: but it's all the same.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: time  lies  miracle  literature 
     
    How strange it is, our little procession of life! The child says, "When I am a big boy." But what is that? The big boy says, "When I grow up." And then, grown up, he says, "When I get married." But to be married, what is that after all? The thought changes to "When I'm able to retire." And then, when retirement comes, he looks back over the landscape traversed; a cold wind seems to sweep over it; somehow he has missed it all, and it is gone.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: children  thoughts  child  gone  boys 
     
    It may be those who do most, dream most.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: dreams 
     
    Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so.
    — Stephen Leacock
    Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: success 
     
    Modern critics, who refuse to let a plain thing alone, have now started a theory that Cervantes's work is a vast piece of "symbolism." If so, Cervantes didn't know it himself and nobody thought of it for three hundred years. He meant it as a satire upon the silly romances of chivalry.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: work  thoughts  alone  satire  romance  year 
     
    Life, we learn too late, is in the living, the tissue of every day and hour.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: living  learn 
     
    Writing is no trouble: you just jot down ideas as they occur to you. The jotting is simplicity itself - it is the occurring which is difficult.
    — Stephen Leacock
    You can never have international peace as long as you have national poverty.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: peace  poverty 
     
    A half truth, like half a brick, is always more forcible as an argument than a whole one. It carries better.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: truth 
     
    About the only good thing you can say about old age is, it's better than being dead!
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: age 
     
    Most people can tire of a lecture in fifteen minutes, clever people can do it in five, and sensible people don't go to lectures at all.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: people 
     
    The road comes to an end just when it ought to be getting somewhere. The passengers alight, shaken and weary, to begin, all over again, something else.
    — Stephen Leacock
    To write well it is first necessary to have something to say.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: write 
     
    In point of morals, the average woman is, even for business, too crooked.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: women  morals  business 
     
    I've seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better, but the other counted better.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: friends  golf 
     
    All Dickens's humour couldn't save Dickens, save him from his overcrowded life, its sordid and neurotic central tragedy and its premature collapse. But Dickens's humour, and all such humour, has saved or at least greatly served the world.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: humour  world  tragedy 
     
    The sorrows and disasters of Europe always brought fortune to America.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: sorrow  america 
     
    With the Great Detective, to think was to act, and to act was to think. Frequently he could do both together.
    — Stephen Leacock
    Chess is one long regret.
    — Stephen Leacock
    tags: regret  chess 
     
    The student of arithmetic who has mastered the first four rules of his art, and successfully striven with money sums and fractions, finds himself confronted by an unbroken expanse of questions known as problems.
    — Stephen Leacock
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