Anyone who works is a fool. I don't work - I merely inflict myself upon the public.
Names were not so much dropped as thrown in a perpetual game of catch.
I have never willingly chased a ball.
Beware of the conversationalist who adds "In other words."
There is little to compare with the thrill of standing next to the creature in the winner's enclosure avoiding his hooves and receiving the congratulations of the press, your trainer and friends who backed it. What makes the experience so satisfying is that you, the owner, have had absolutely nothing to do with the horse winning.
Fat men get knocked over by buses no earlier, nor later, than thin men. And I, for one, have buried most of my thin friends.
It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutely essential.
If people take the trouble to cook, you should take the trouble to eat.
I have little patience with anyone who is not self-satisfied. I am always pleased to see my friends, happy to be with my wife and family, but the high spot of every day is when I first catch a glimpse of myself in the shaving mirror.
A man who has his initials on his pyjamas must be uncertain of himself. Surely you should know who you are at bed time.
If the critics were always right we should be in deep trouble.
We are articulate, but we are not particularly conversational. An Englishman won't talk for the sake of talking. He doesn't mind silence. But after the silence, he sometimes says something.
The ball is man's most disastrous invention, not excluding the wheel.
A cough is a symptom, not a disease. Take it to your doctor and he can give you something serious to worry about.
The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.
If in the paddock the owner is surrounded by a herd of young children, don't back his horse. But if the owner is accompanied by a beautiful lady, plunge to the hilt.
Show me the man who has enjoyed his schooldays and I will show you a bully and a bore.
Most owners are at length able to teach themselves to obey their dog.
Every child should be placed on a doorstep to sell something. It's the best possible training for life.
A party: one arrives long after it's started, and one's going to leave long before it's over.
I don't work. I merely inflict myself on the public.
The French are a logical people, which is one reason the English dislike them so intensely. The other is that they own France, a country which we have always judged to be much too good for them.
No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.
To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.