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    pat paulsen Quotes

    I think I'd make a pretty good president, and they have a great pension plan.
    — Pat Paulsen
    Many of you have asked why it's taken me so long to select a running mate. I have no intention of reaching into the political grab bag and grabbing any man to be my running mate. I'm going to reach in and grab a woman!
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: men  running  political 
     
    I want to caucus in Iowa. I'll caucus all over the state. I don't caucus in California. You don't caucus where you live. It doesn't look good.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: live 
     
    We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: time  beautiful 
     
    It is true that all of the current presidential candidates once denied that they had any intention of running. But the fact that I am also a liar, doesn't make me a candidate.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: true  facts  running  liar 
     
    It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: kissing 
     
    In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: boys  america 
     
    The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
    — Pat Paulsen
    If elected, I will win.
    — Pat Paulsen
    If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: heart  human  body 
     
    We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and of course the boogieman.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: fear 
     
    Marijuana should be licensed and kept out of the hands of teenagers. It's too good for them.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: teenager 
     
    I've upped my standards. Now, up yours.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: standard 
     
    Deep down, I happen to be very shallow.
    — Pat Paulsen
    I'm often asked why I travel around the country talking politics. Is it for humanitarian reasons, community spirit, or is it for the money, the limousines or the girls? The answers are: no, no, yes yes yes!
    — Pat Paulsen
    I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: right  wings 
     
    Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: world  saying 
     
    I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: read  american 
     
    Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: control  right  wings 
     
    I must choose my words carefully in order to avoid any negative interpretation. Among politicians, this is a tactic known as lying.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: lying 
     
    No Taxes. Let's just tip the government 15% if they do a good job.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: job  government  tax 
     
    Why should we tell kidnappers, murderers, and embezzlers their rights? If they don't know their rights, they shouldn't be in the business.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: right  business 
     
    All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: problem  american 
     
    In opposition to sex education: Let the kids today learn it where we did - in the gutter.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: sex  learn  kids 
     
    Why should old people get [Social Security]? They just sit around all day doing nothing.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: people 
     
    Only 10 percent of the people in the U.S. like dry wines. You shouldn't get down on people just because they like a little sugar.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: people 
     
    You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: right 
     
    Yeah, I'm running for the White House again. Well, it's not a run, really; it's sort of a brisk walk.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: running 
     
    I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar.
    — Pat Paulsen
    I admit I do have some drawbacks and limitations as a candidate. Although I am a professional comedian, some of my critics maintain that this is not enough. I cannot deny that I stand before you untested and inexperienced - I only spent two years in television, never as a romantic lead or a song and dance man.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: men  song  romantic  dance  year 
     
    The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: year 
     
    People come up to me in bars and on street corners and they say to me, 'Hey, Paulsen, have you got any change?'
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: people 
     
    Censorship does not interfere with the constitutional rights of every American to sit alone in a dark room in the nude and cuss.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: dark  alone  right  american 
     
    Worrying about the future is a thing of the past. I don't think about it.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: future  past 
     
    I came down to Orange because I sold the Smothers Brothers a song called 'Chocolate,' and that gave me enough money to move down here. I was washing windows down in Orange County when they called me up and said they wanted me to do their TV show.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: song  money 
     
    Will I obliterate national debt? Sure, why not?
    — Pat Paulsen
    Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it.
    — Pat Paulsen
    In conclusion, you can see that there is a place for censors and we only wish that we could tell you where it is.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: wishes  censor 
     
    As I've always said: The future lies ahead.
    — Pat Paulsen
    tags: future  lies 
     
    A gun is a necessity. Who knows if you're walking down a street and you spot a moose?
    — Pat Paulsen
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