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    p. g. wodehouse Quotes

    I turned on the pillow with a little moan, and at this juncture Jeeves entered with the vital oolong. I clutched at it like a drowning man at a straw hat.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: men 
     
    I wonder what Tommy Morris would have had to say to all this number 6-iron, number 12-iron, number 28-iron stuff. He probably wouldn't have said anything, just made one of those strange Scottish noises at the back of his throat like someone gargling.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: wonder 
     
    In every romance you have to budget for the occasional dust-up.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: romance 
     
    What is Love compared with holing out before your opponent?
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    She could not have gazed at him with a more rapturous intensity if she had been a small child and he a saucer of ice cream.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: children  child 
     
    One prefers, of course, on all occasions to be stainless and above reproach, but, failing that, the next best thing is unquestionably to have got rid of the body.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: body  occasion 
     
    It looked something like a pen wiper and something like a piece of hearth-rug. A second and keener inspection revealed it as a Pekinese puppy.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    So always look for the silver lining And try to find the sunny side of life.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    I'm all for rational enjoyment, and so forth, but I think a fellow makes himself conspicuous when he throws soft-boiled eggs at the electric fan
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    And, anyway, no matter how much you may behave like the deaf adder of Scripture which, as you are doubtless aware, the more one piped, the less it danced, or words to that effect, I shall carry on as planned.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    I go in for what is known in the trade as 'light writing' and those who do that - humorists they are sometimes called - are looked down upon by the intelligentsia and sneered at.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: writing 
     
    Mr Howard Saxby, literary agent, was knitting a sock. He knitted a good deal, he would tell you if you asked him, to keep himself from smoking, adding that he also smoked a good deal to keep himself from knitting.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    He shimmered out, and I sat up in bed with that rather unpleasant feeling you get sometimes that you're going to die in about five minutes.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: die 
     
    I may as well tell you, here and now, that if you are going about the place thinking things pretty, you will never make a modern poet. Be poignant, man, be poignant!
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: men  thinking  poet 
     
    There's too much of that where-every-prospect-pleases-and-only-man-is-vile stuff buzzing around for my taste.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    From my earliest years I had always wanted to be a writer. It was not that I had any particular message for humanity. I am still plugging away and not the ghost of one so far, so it begins to look as though, unless I suddenly hit mid-season form in my eighties, humanity will remain a message short.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: humanity  ghost  year 
     
    But everything is relative, Bertie... You, for instance, are my relative, and I am your relative.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    It ought to be a criminal offence for women to dye their hair. Especially red. What the devil do women do that sort of thing for?
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: women  devil  criminal 
     
    I was in rare fettle and the heart had touched a new high. I don't know anything that braces one up like finding you haven't got to get married after all.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: heart 
     
    She looked like something that might have occured to Ibsen in one of his less frivolous moments.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: moment 
     
    She's one of those soppy girls, riddled from head to foot with whimsy. She holds the view that the stars are God's daisy chain, that rabbits are gnomes in attendance on the Fairy Queen, and that every time a fairy blows its wee nose a baby is born, which, as we know, is not the case. She's a drooper.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: time  star  girls  god 
     
    Chumps always make the best husbands. All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: brain  marriage 
     
    I wouldn't have a face like that,' proceeded the child, with a good deal of earnestness, 'not if you gave me a million dollars.' He thought for a moment, then corrected himself. 'Two million dollars!' he added.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    Another of these strong silent men. The world is full of us.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: men  world  strong 
     
    A little bit added to what you've already got gives you a little bit more.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    The spine, and I do not attempt to conceal the fact, had become soluble, in the last degree.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: facts 
     
    You're one of those guys who can make a party just by leaving it. It's a great gift.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: gift 
     
    A man who has spent most of his adult life trying out a series of patent medicines is always an optimist.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: men  adult  medicine 
     
    I suppose he must have taken about a nine or something in hats. Shows what a rotten thing it is to let your brain develop too much.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: brain 
     
    Well, there it is. That's Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak and then decide not to say it after all.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    When it comes to letting the world in on the secrets of his heart, he has about as much shrinking reticence as a steam calliope.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: secret  heart  world 
     
    This is peculiarly an age in which each of us may, if he do but search diligently, find the literature suited to his mental powers.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: power  age  mental  literature 
     
    Say what you will, there is something fine about our old aristocracy. I'll bet Trotsky couldn't hit a moving secretary with an egg on a dark night.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: dark  night 
     
    Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: friends 
     
    No novelists any good except me. Sovietski - yah! Nastikoff - bah! I spit me of zem all. No novelists anywhere any good except me. P. G. Wodehouse and Tolstoi not bad. Not good, but not bad. No novelists any good except me.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: bad 
     
    I can detach myself from the world. If there is a better world to detach oneself from than the one functioning at the moment I have yet to hear of it.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: world  oneself  moment 
     
    ...with each new book of mine I have always the feeling that this time I have picked a lemon in the garden of literature.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: time  book  literature  garden 
     
    Warm-hearted! I should think he has to wear asbestos vests!
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    Why do dachshunds wear their ears inside out?
    — P. G. Wodehouse
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