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    p. g. wodehouse Quotes

    Employers are like horses - they require management.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: management 
     
    He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: intelligence 
     
    Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: young  golf 
     
    I hadn't the heart to touch my breakfast. I told Jeeves to drink it himself.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: heart  breakfast 
     
    [I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    To say that New York came up to its advance billing would be the baldest of understatements. Being there was like being in heaven without going to all the bother and expense of dying.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: dying  heaven 
     
    Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    That's always the way in this world. The chappies you'd like to lend money to won't let you, whereas the chappies you don't want to lend it to will do everything except actually stand you on your head and lift the specie out of your pockets.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: world  money 
     
    I was writing a story, 'The Artistic Career of Corky,' about two young men, Bertie Wooster and his friend Corky, getting into a lot of trouble, and neither of them had brains enough to get out of the trouble. I thought: Well, how can I get them out? And I thought: Suppose one of them had an omniscient valet?
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    There are three things in the world that he held in the smallest esteem - slugs, poets and caddies with hiccups.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: world  poet 
     
    I don't want to wrong anybody, so I won't go so far as to say that she actually wrote poetry, but her conversation, to my mind, was of a nature calculated to excite the liveliest of suspicions. Well, I mean to say, when a girl suddenly asks you out of a blue sky if you don't sometimes feel that the stars are God's daisy-chain, you begin to think a bit.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: nature  star  girls  wrong  sky  god  mind  poetry 
     
    The trouble with cats is that they've got no tact.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: cat 
     
    Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: men  giving 
     
    We must always remember, however,' said Psmith gravely, 'that poets are also God's creatures.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: god  poet 
     
    She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: attitude 
     
    The exquisite code of politeness of the Woosters prevented me clipping her one on the ear-hole, but I would have given a shilling to be able to do it. There seemed to me something deliberately fat-headed in the way she persisted in missing the gist.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: missing 
     
    Statisticians estimate that crime among good golfers is lower than in any class of the community except possibly bishops.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: crimes  community 
     
    The Duke of Dunstable had one-way pockets. He would walk ten miles in the snow to chisel an orphan out of tuppence.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    I attribute my whole success in life to a rigid observance of the fundamental rule - Never have yourself tattooed with any woman's name, not even her initials.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    The cup of tea on arrival at a country house is a thing which, as a rule, I particularly enjoy. I like the crackling logs, the shaded lights, the scent of buttered toast, the general atmosphere of leisured cosiness.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: rules 
     
    I should think it extremely improbable that anyone ever wrote for money. Naturally, when he has written something, he wants to get as much for it as he can, but that is a very different thing from writing for money.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: writing  money 
     
    I suppose half the time Shakespeare just shoved down anything that came into his head.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: time 
     
    However devoutly a girl may worship the man of her choice, there always comes a time when she feels an irresistible urge to haul off and let him have it in the neck.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: time  men  choice  girls  worship 
     
    I believe there are two ways of writing novels. One is mine, making a sort of musical comedy without music and ignoring real life altogether; the other is going right deep down into life and not caring a damn.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: believe  comedy  right  real  music  novel  writing 
     
    Well, you know what the Fulham Road's like. If your top-hat blows off into it, it has about as much chance as a rabbit at a dogshow.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: chance 
     
    There was a sound in the background like a distant sheep coughing gently on a mountainside. Jeeves sailing into action.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: action 
     
    Slice him where you like, a hellhound is always a hellhound.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    Like so many substantial citizens of America, he had married young and kept on marrying, springing from blonde to blonde like the chamois of the Alps leaping from crag to crag.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: young  america 
     
    It's curious how, when you're in love, you yearn to go about doing acts of kindness to everybody.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: kindness 
     
    I shuddered from stem to stern, as stout barks do when buffeted by the waves.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    If it were not for quotations, conversations between gentlemen would consist of an endless series of 'what-ho!'s.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    Work, the what's-its-name of the thingummy and the thing-um-a-bob of the what d'you-call-it.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: work 
     
    His eyes were rolling in their sockets, and his face had taken on the colour and expression of a devout tomato. I could see he loved like a thousand bricks.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: eyes 
     
    It is the glorious uncertainty of golf that makes it the game it is.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: golf  games 
     
    Rex Stout's narrative and dialogue could not be improved, and he passes the supreme test of being rereadable. I don't know how many times I have reread the Wolfe stories, but plenty. I know exactly what is coming and how it is all going to end, but it doesn't matter. That's writing.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: time  writing  stories 
     
    Whenever I have that sad, depressed feeling, I go out and kill a policeman.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: sad 
     
    He looked haggard and careworn, like a Borgia who has suddenly remembered that he has forgotten to shove cyanide in the consommé, and the dinner-gong due any moment.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: moment 
     
    When a girl uses six derogatory adjectives in her attempt to paint the portrait of the loved one, it means something. One may indicate a merely temporary tiff. Six is big stuff.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: girls 
     
    I love writing. I never feel really comfortable unless I am either actually writing or have a story going. I could not stop writing.
    — P. G. Wodehouse
    tags: writing  stories 
     
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