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    judy tenuta Quotes

    You have to really kiss up to EVERYONE! Kiss up to anyone you think can help you. That's really the best advice I can give. You obviously have to have an act - but, maybe you don't.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: advice  help  kiss 
     
    I am more comfortable doing comedy, and I want to perform comedy. When you can really make someone laugh, that's a healing experience. It's like music. A lot of music is really healing.
    — Judy Tenuta
    I should have my own show by now. Yeah. How many damn sitcoms does Kelsey Grammer need? How many more stupid Housewives do they need throwing tables and limbs at each other. Yeah, I guess I need to take off my artificial leg and throw it at Vanderpump. I like doing live shows - it's just getting to them that's a hassle.Doing films is fun too ... a good film ... but there's a lot of waiting around.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: live  fun  film 
     
    I was nominated for two Grammy's, but ... more importantly, I like it when I get a letter from someone ... a person that I've affected their lives or I've helped them. That's important to me. Someone will say "I was feeling bad and you helped me".
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: people  live  bad 
     
    I am a morning person...I love waking up, walking & reveling In the beauty of all the flowers and trees....while chugging a 5th of vodka!!! It could happen.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: beauty  flowers 
     
    You can't get a body like mine in a bottle unless you push real hard.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: body  real 
     
    I would just go insane in a public school. I don't have enough clothes.You have to be Heidi Klum to go to public school now. It's crazy. I feel sorry for these kids, not to mention that the new Secretary Of Education, Betsy DeVos, is against education.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: crazy  education  school  kids  sorry 
     
    I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor didn't exist.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: philosophy 
     
    I'm half-Italian and half-Polish. So I'm always putting a hit out on myself.
    — Judy Tenuta
    Friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you....
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: enemies  friends  enemy 
     
    I turned down a date once because I was looking for someone a little closer to the top of the food chain.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: food 
     
    My work is a mitzvah for the eyes & ears...and it will help you forget about your problems by thinking about mine for a change!
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: work  problem  eyes  help  thinking 
     
    Love Goddess in training. It could happen.
    — Judy Tenuta
    What do men want? Men want a mattress that cooks.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: men 
     
    I'm husband hunting. Now, I know all the men are going to be gay but at this point, I need a new gay husband. Or, a new lesbian assistant. If you want something done, tell a lesbian and the she'll chop down a tree. Something like that.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: men  gay 
     
    I think it might be harder for a young comic because there's so much more competition. There's more people trying to do it and there are less rooms. Seriously. The way people do anything now is by getting press - some scandal. It's awful. Somebody has to go on a rooftop with a rifle and they get their own sitcom. It's disgusting.
    — Judy Tenuta
    How many of you have ever started dating because you were too lazy to commit a suicide?
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: lazy  dating 
     
    I was born a Love Goddess. My parents, Caesar and Joanne, always told me that I was a little Goddess and Petite Flower. I was a Petite Flower, and I had all these brothers who were always trying to boss me around. I told them, "No. You must kiss my hand or kiss my feet". That's how I became the Goddess.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: flowers  kiss  parent 
     
    Sorry, I didn't squat and grease myself and be naked next to Kim Lard-ashian. I mean, no matter what you do - excuse me - you can never compete with her. You can win the Nobel Peace Prize and you can't compete with Kim Lard-ashian's ass.
    — Judy Tenuta
    tags: peace  sorry 
     
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    judy tenuta
    Birth    : November 7, 1956
    Occupation  : Entertainer