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    groucho marx Quotes

    Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: tomorrow 
     
    Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: live  mistakes  learn 
     
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: friends  dark  dog  book  read 
     
    A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: men  women 
     
    Marriage is a wonderful institution… but who wants to live in an institution?
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: live  marriage 
     
    Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: men 
     
    I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: hate  prejudice 
     
    Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: poverty  extreme 
     
    I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
    — Groucho Marx
    Women should be obscene and not heard.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: women 
     
    I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
    — Groucho Marx
    Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: care 
     
    Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: men  mind 
     
    A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: animals  cat  path  black 
     
    I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
    — Groucho Marx
    She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: afraid 
     
    I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: reality  decent  crazy 
     
    Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: tears 
     
    Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: marriage  divorce 
     
    I cannot say that I don't disagree with you.
    — Groucho Marx
    Women should be obscene, not heard.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: women 
     
    One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: men  women  marry 
     
    Before you speak, make certain you have something worthwhile to say.
    — Groucho Marx
    If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: men 
     
    Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: men  women  successful  wife 
     
    I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: animals 
     
    My brother thinks he's a chicken-We don't talk him out of it because we need the eggs
    — Groucho Marx
    Time wounds all heels.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: time 
     
    Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: blessed 
     
    I intend to live forever, or die trying.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: live  forever  die 
     
    Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
    — Groucho Marx
    While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: happiness  misery  money 
     
    Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: friends  dark  dog  book  read 
     
    Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: wrong  politics 
     
    Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: money 
     
    I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: time  regret  age  year 
     
    Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: live  marriage 
     
    I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
    — Groucho Marx
    Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns
    — Groucho Marx
    tags: time 
     
    Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
    — Groucho Marx
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    groucho marx
    Birth    : October 2, 1890
    Death  : August 19, 1977
    Occupation  : Comedian