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    george carlin Quotes

    There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
    — George Carlin
    There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
    — George Carlin
    tags: atheist 
     
    I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
    — George Carlin
    Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
    — George Carlin
    tags: honesty 
     
    One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
    — George Carlin
    tags: saying 
     
    Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.
    — George Carlin
    If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
    — George Carlin
    tags: alone  true  universe 
     
    So I say, "Live and let live." That's my motto. "Live and let live." And anyone who can't go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It's a simple philosophy, but it's always worked in our family.
    — George Carlin
    tags: philosophy 
     
    I hate Dr Phil. Dr Phil told me to express my feelings, so I'm expressing them.
    — George Carlin
    tags: hate 
     
    Griddle cakes, pancakes, hot cakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love?
    — George Carlin
    I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
    — George Carlin
    tags: suicide 
     
    Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason
    — George Carlin
    tags: age 
     
    When in comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
    — George Carlin
    I think religion is very anti-man. I think it's a terrible distortion and exploitation of a very natural urge every human has - to be rejoined with the one somehow, to become a part of the universe. Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
    — George Carlin
    tags: human  lost  universe 
     
    War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
    — George Carlin
    tags: men  young  die  war  property 
     
    Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
    — George Carlin
    tags: people  work  money 
     
    So about 80 years after the Constitution is ratified, the slaves are freed. Not so you'd really notice it of course; just kinda on paper. And that of course was at the end of the Civil War. Now there is another phrase I dearly love. That is a true oxymoron if I've ever heard one: "Civil War." Do you think anybody in this country could ever really have a civil war? "Say, pardon me?" (shoots gun) "I'm awfully sorry. Awfully sorry."
    — George Carlin
    tags: true  war  year  sorry 
     
    What year did Jesus think it was?
    — George Carlin
    tags: jesus  year 
     
    The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
    — George Carlin
    tags: night  real 
     
    Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't.
    — George Carlin
    tags: freedom  choice  ideas 
     
    Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
    — George Carlin
    tags: people  morals 
     
    It's never just a game when you're winning.
    — George Carlin
    tags: winning  games 
     
    I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
    — George Carlin
    As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.
    — George Carlin
    tags: heart  right 
     
    If everything that ever lived is dead, and everything alive is gonna die...where does the sacred part come in?
    — George Carlin
    tags: sacred 
     
    All music is the blues. All of it.
    — George Carlin
    tags: music 
     
    Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
    — George Carlin
    I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.
    — George Carlin
    Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
    — George Carlin
    If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
    — George Carlin
    The things they don't tell you in schools these days, geez. Have a look at your owners. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. You don't. You have no choice; you have owners. They own you. They own everything.
    — George Carlin
    tags: freedom  choice  school  ideas 
     
    "No comment" is a comment.
    — George Carlin
    Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
    — George Carlin
    tags: crimes  freedom  fire  fight 
     
    In restaurants where they serve frog's legs, what do they do with the rest of the frog? Do they just throw it away? You never see "frog torsos" on the menu. Is there actually a garbage can full of frog bodies in the alley? I wouldn't want to be a homeless guy looking for an unfinished cheeseburger and open the lid on that
    — George Carlin
    tags: body  frog 
     
    One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
    — George Carlin
    The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
    — George Carlin
    tags: deception 
     
    Life is a series of dogs.
    — George Carlin
    tags: dog 
     
    If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
    — George Carlin
    tags: god 
     
    I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
    — George Carlin
    tags: law  rules 
     
    Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the "Ten Most Wanted" criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, "I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list"?
    — George Carlin
    tags: friends  wonder  criminal 
     
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    george carlin
    Birth    : May 12, 1937
    Death  : June 22, 2008
    Occupation  : Comedian