george burns Quotes

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
— George Burns
You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
— George Burns
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
tags: age sex
— George Burns
I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
tags: failure hate success
— George Burns
The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
tags: honesty
— George Burns
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
tags: people bad running
— George Burns
Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
tags: authority sex
— George Burns
I get a standing ovation just standing
— George Burns
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
tags: help
— George Burns
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
tags: people live past age die
— George Burns
I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
tags: people
— George Burns
I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
— George Burns
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
tags: boys
— George Burns
And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
tags: people god satan
— George Burns
Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
— George Burns
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
tags: wonder
— George Burns
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
— George Burns
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
tags: honesty
— George Burns
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
tags: secret
— George Burns
Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
— George Burns
Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
tags: money
— George Burns
I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
tags: future
— George Burns
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
— George Burns
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
tags: happiness loving
— George Burns
When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
tags: time world giving
— George Burns
There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
tags: saying
— George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
— George Burns
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
tags: people bad
— George Burns
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
tags: respect
— George Burns
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
tags: failure hate success
— George Burns
With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
tags: talent
— George Burns
Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
tags: business
— George Burns
If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.
tags: advice doctor
— George Burns
I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
tags: living care success
— George Burns
Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.
tags: happiness women bad
— George Burns
Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
tags: facts kids
— George Burns
In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
— George Burns
The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
tags: truth heart
— George Burns
In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
tags: honesty key business
— George Burns
Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
tags: work young age
— George Burns
george burns
Birth    : January 20, 1896
Death  : March 9, 1996
Occupation  : Comedian

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