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    george burns Quotes

    No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
    — George Burns
    You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.
    — George Burns
    Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
    — George Burns
    tags: age  sex 
     
    I'd rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
    — George Burns
    tags: failure  hate  success 
     
    The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
    — George Burns
    tags: honesty 
     
    Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
    — George Burns
    tags: people  bad  running 
     
    Let me get one thing straight; I'm not an authority on sex, I'm more of a fan. I think sex is nice; no family should be without it. Of course, there are other things that are just as important as sex, like uh . . . like uh . . . like . . . uh . . . well, I'll think of it later.
    — George Burns
    tags: authority  sex 
     
    I get a standing ovation just standing
    — George Burns
    You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
    — George Burns
    tags: help 
     
    If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
    — George Burns
    tags: people  live  past  age  die 
     
    I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.
    — George Burns
    tags: people 
     
    I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.
    — George Burns
    When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
    — George Burns
    tags: boys 
     
    And God said 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan.'
    — George Burns
    tags: people  god  satan 
     
    Love is a lot like a backache. It doesn't show up on x-rays, but you know it's there.
    — George Burns
    You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.
    — George Burns
    tags: wonder 
     
    I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else....I never lied better.
    — George Burns
    Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
    — George Burns
    tags: honesty 
     
    The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
    — George Burns
    tags: secret 
     
    Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
    — George Burns
    Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
    — George Burns
    tags: money 
     
    I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.
    — George Burns
    tags: future 
     
    It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
    — George Burns
    Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
    — George Burns
    tags: happiness  loving 
     
    When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights.
    — George Burns
    tags: time  world  giving 
     
    There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.
    — George Burns
    tags: saying 
     
    First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
    — George Burns
    Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
    — George Burns
    tags: people  bad 
     
    I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.
    — George Burns
    tags: respect 
     
    I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
    — George Burns
    tags: failure  hate  success 
     
    With the collapse of vaudeville new talent has no place to stink.
    — George Burns
    tags: talent 
     
    Retire? I'm going to stay in show business until I'm the only one left
    — George Burns
    tags: business 
     
    If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.
    — George Burns
    tags: advice  doctor 
     
    I don't care what you do for a living. If you love it, you are a success.
    — George Burns
    tags: living  care  success 
     
    Happiness is a dry martini and a good woman ... or a bad woman.
    — George Burns
    tags: happiness  women  bad 
     
    Since I've made it to 87 so far, obviously my two kids and my seven grandchildren haven't been too hard on me. On the other hand, the fact that I have an unlisted phone number and move a lot might have something to do with it.
    — George Burns
    tags: facts  kids 
     
    In those days the best painkiller was ice; it wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.
    — George Burns
    The heart is a temple wherein all truth resides.
    — George Burns
    tags: truth  heart 
     
    In show business the key word is honesty. Once you've learned to fake that, the rest is easy.
    — George Burns
    tags: honesty  key  business 
     
    Age to me means nothing. I can't get old; I'm working. I was old when I was twenty-one and out of work. As long as you're working, you stay young. When I'm in front of an audience, all that love and vitality sweeps over me and I forget my age.
    — George Burns
    tags: work  young  age 
     
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    george burns
    Birth    : January 20, 1896
    Death  : March 9, 1996
    Occupation  : Comedian