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    erma bombeck Quotes

    It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of super sophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.
    — Erma Bombeck
    My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
    — Erma Bombeck
    A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.
    — Erma Bombeck
    No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
    — Erma Bombeck
    There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: humor  laughter  pain  hurt  comedy  tragedy 
     
    All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: children  live  moment  child  courage 
     
    My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: ideas 
     
    If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
    — Erma Bombeck
    I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night ...
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: women  night  thinking 
     
    It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: children  eyes  child  mother 
     
    I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: women 
     
    It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: courage  dreams 
     
    If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: chance  live  moment  miracle  god 
     
    Kids are without a doubt the most suspicious diners in the world. They will eat mud (raw or baked) rocks, paste, crayons, ball-point pens, moving goldfish, cigarette butts, and cat food. Try to coax a little beef stew into their mouths and they look at you like a puppy when you stand over him with the Sunday paper rolled up.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: world  food  doubt  cat  kids 
     
    The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
    — Erma Bombeck
    Cats invented self-esteem.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: cat 
     
    It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
    — Erma Bombeck
    Mothers are not the nameless, faceless stereotypes who appear once a year on a greeting card with their virtues set to prose, but women who have been dealt a hand for life and play each card one at a time the best way they know how. No mother is all good or all bad, all laughing or all serious, all loving or all angry. Ambivalence rushes through their veins.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: time  women  virtue  loving  bad  mother  year 
     
    When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: wild  kids 
     
    My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: fire  care 
     
    Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: parent  kids  imagine 
     
    You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism.
    — Erma Bombeck
    When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: talent  god  hope 
     
    When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States.
    — Erma Bombeck
    tags: depression  gone  music  mother 
     
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