It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
Follow your passion. Stay true to yourself. Never follow someone else's path unless you're in the woods and you're lost and you see a path. By all means, you should follow that.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
True beauty is not related to what color your hair is or what color your eyes are. True beauty is about who you are as a human being, your principles, your moral compass.
Life is short. If you doubt me, ask a butterfly. Their average life span is a mere five to fourteen days.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - Too Busy Disorder.
Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.
Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.
Have you ever heard somebody sing some lyrics that you've never sung before, and you realize you've never sung the right words in that song? You hear them and all of a sudden you say to yourself, 'Life in the Fast Lane?' That's what they're saying right there? You think, 'why have I been singing 'wipe in the vaseline?' how many people have heard me sing 'wipe in the vaseline?' I am an idiot.
You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.
It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.
You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.
Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex.
Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. Three times in my twenties. Rocks no salt. Yes. Four. Never. And how dare you! I will take no further questions.
One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.
When life gives you lemons.... they could really be oranges.
My life is perfect even when it's not.
Our flaws are what makes us human. If we can accept them as part of who we are, they really don't even have to be an issue.
Things will get easier, people's minds will change, and you should be alive to see it.
Leaning forward in your chair when someone is trying to squeeze behind you isn't enough. You also have to move the chair.
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
I wonder what will happen if i put a hand cream on my feet, will they get confused and start clapping?
I personally like being unique. I like being my own person with my own style and my own opinions and my own toothbrush.
Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don't put it off.
It's failure that gives you the proper perspective on success.
I'm so unfamiliar with the gym, I call it James!
We use 10 percent of our brains. Imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other 60 percent.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
I hate having to do small talk. I'd rather talk about deep subjects. I'd rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter.