Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.
It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.
I hate writing, I love having written.
Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.
Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.
If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.
If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much, but I shall stay the way I am, because I do not give a damn.
What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.
The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
I regret to say that during the first act of this, I fell so soundly asleep that the gentleman who brought me piled up a barricade of overcoat, hat, stick, and gloves between us to establish a separation in the eyes of the world, and went into an impersonation of A Young Man Who Has Come to the Theater Unaccompanied.
Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.
Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
I hate almost all rich people, but I think I'd be darling at it.
I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
Writing well is the best revenge.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.
By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this - One of you is lying.