Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.
— Dorothy Parker
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.
— Dorothy Parker
Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!
— Dorothy Parker
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
— Dorothy Parker
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
— Dorothy Parker
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
— Dorothy Parker
I like best to have one book in my hand, and a stack of others on the floor beside me, so as to know the supply of poppy and mandragora will not run out before the small hours.
— Dorothy Parker
There's a hell of a distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.
— Dorothy Parker
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.
— Dorothy Parker
The cleverest woman on earth is the biggest fool on earth with a man.
— Dorothy Parker
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.
— Dorothy Parker
It turns out that, at social gatherings, as a source of entertainment, conviviality, and good fun, I rank somewhere between a sprig of parsley and a single ice-skate.
— Dorothy Parker
I hate writing, I love having written.
— Dorothy Parker
Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.
— Dorothy Parker
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
— Dorothy Parker
The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.
— Dorothy Parker
Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.
— Dorothy Parker
If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.
— Dorothy Parker
Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.
— Dorothy Parker
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
— Dorothy Parker
Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.
— Dorothy Parker
If I didn't care for fun and such, I'd probably amount to much, but I shall stay the way I am, because I do not give a damn.
— Dorothy Parker
What ever beauty may be it has for its basis order and for its essence unity Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
— Dorothy Parker
Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.
— Dorothy Parker
The Monte Carlo casino refused to admit me until I was properly dressed so I went and found my stockings, and then came back and lost my shirt.
— Dorothy Parker
I regret to say that during the first act of this, I fell so soundly asleep that the gentleman who brought me piled up a barricade of overcoat, hat, stick, and gloves between us to establish a separation in the eyes of the world, and went into an impersonation of A Young Man Who Has Come to the Theater Unaccompanied.
— Dorothy Parker
Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.
— Dorothy Parker
Telegram to a friend who had just become a mother after a prolonged pregnancy: Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.
— Dorothy Parker
Constant use had not worn ragged the fabric of their friendship.
— Dorothy Parker
I hate almost all rich people, but I think I'd be darling at it.
— Dorothy Parker
I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.
— Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
— Dorothy Parker
Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
— Dorothy Parker
Writing well is the best revenge.
— Dorothy Parker
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
— Dorothy Parker
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
— Dorothy Parker
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
— Dorothy Parker
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.
— Dorothy Parker
Every year, back comes Spring, with nasty little birds yapping their fool heads off and the ground all mucked up with plants.
— Dorothy Parker
By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing. And he vows his passion is, Infinite, undying. Lady make note of this - One of you is lying.
— Dorothy Parker