Don't live in the past. There's no point. You can't change anything. What a waste of time.
People have told me, 'My dad passed on, but I have great memories of watching your shows with him.' It doesn't get any better than that.
I don't know how doctors pick one specialty over another. Some you can understand. Pediatricians. Or gynecologists delivering babies, bringing a new life into the world, but how does someone want to be a proctologist? How can you fall in love with proctology?
I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time!
With the advent of cell phones, especially with the very small microphone that attach to the cell phone itself, it's getting harder and harder I find, to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone.
I don't think too much about age. Maybe if you're hurting, aching and arthritic, then you think about it a lot. But I don't.
The first time I heard Richard Pryor, I knew he would be a major force in the world of comedy.
I think the thing about it is when you grow up in Chicago there's such a thing as putting on airs, you know? And you just learn not to put on airs. Don't act like, 'Oh boy, I'm somebody.' They'll slap you down.
I don't know how to do a show not in front of a live audience.
It's kind of hard coming from 'Saturday Night Live,' which is a sketch-driven show, to a movie.
One time I happened to use the word 'denigrate' onstage, and it didn't get any reaction. So as I continued my act, the left side of my brain was fast-forwarding to see if I had any other big words coming up.
There was a sea of change in comedy in the late 1950s and '60s. We were dealing with vignettes as opposed to jokes. We were more socially aware.
I have to warn you, I'm not just some sitcom guy. I'm now an author.
Don Rickles and I are best friends. I know that might seem strange to those who know Don only by reputation, but somebody has to be his friend. Just to make sure I don't forget, Don gave me a doormat that sits just outside the front door of my house. It reads: 'The Newharts: The Rickleses Best Friends.'
I have no intention of retiring; I can't imagine not doing stand-up. That's where I started and where I'll be.
Richard Pryor introduced me to the world of the inner city, and the urban world, and did it hysterically. My favorite comedian, even though we work 180 degrees differently, but funny is funny is funny.
I don't have a stack of scripts that, when I get home, studios are clamoring, saying, 'Has Bob read ours yet?'
There are some actresses that can't do comedy; it's too heavy-handed.
If 'The New York Times' says it, it must be true.
Mark Twain gave us an insight into the life on the Mississippi at the turn of the century.
The highest of highs is to have a new routine that you're just breaking in and that's working, and that's - you're one step removed doing a situation comedy because you have a live audience there.
I just don't think most people put myself and Robert Frost in the same category.
When I was off TV, people would ask me to please come back, which I think was their way of saying, 'There's nothing out there for us.'
A lot of money is spent trying to keep people alive who don't necessarily want to be alive.
With the stand-up comic on TV, whether it's Seinfeld or Cosby or Roseanne, more important than their knowledge of how to tell a joke is their knowledge of themselves, or the persona they've created as themselves. So that when you're in a room with writers, you can say, 'Guys, that's a funny line, but I wouldn't say it.'
When I started, I was doing all the good comedians I'd ever seen. Then I developed my own voice. My routines are my natural way of looking at the world.
For a comedian, there is nothing better than watching another great comedian.
I just made the decision that I was going to try comedy, and if didn't work, then I knew it didn't work. Then I would go back and do whatever. But at least I wouldn't torture myself the rest of my life, wondering whatever would have happened.
I've had time off, and it drove me nuts. I was crawling up the wall.
I was very political when JFK ran.
I certainly don't delude myself that there aren't certainly more important things to do in life than make people laugh, but I can't imagine anything that would bring me more joy.
The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place.
No matter what hyenas sound like, they are not actually laughing.
You're not dead at 85. You're a long way from it. Go out and enjoy. You've earned it.
I made a record album in 1960 and it exploded, and I got all these offers for TV.
I don't think of myself as an American Master. I've just been making a living.
Stand-up is different from television. In stand-up, you've got to be in control.
There is an edginess in my work that people don't always recognize.
I don't want to sound like the old guy, but cynicism is a potential danger. It colors our way of looking at the world.
I didn't know I was cool, but I was very flattered that some of the younger comedy writers came up to talk to me at the Emmys. I found that gratifying.