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    bo burnham Quotes

    Where are all the sour patch parents?
    — Bo Burnham
    Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: fun 
     
    I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to f-k me.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: standard 
     
    I'm interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they're scary, and they're important to think about. I'm also wary about the fact that if you don't proceed with caution and understand what you're doing, you understand these things are realities that you're dealing with, they're real things.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: reality  real  facts 
     
    Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: women  right 
     
    We're having a traditional Thanksgiving - turkey, mashed potatoes, hat buckles, smallpox, genocide, a blue corn moon, etc.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: moon 
     
    Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: thoughts  earth  heaven  worth 
     
    In the distance, Bo saw a fairy. A fairy so beautiful that he felt proud of being called one in highschool.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: beautiful 
     
    Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: talent 
     
    People do complain about the way I act on stage... They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: people 
     
    If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: water  jesus 
     
    What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: kids 
     
    The classic comedian says there's nothing that's taboo; if you laugh at one thing you've got to laugh at everything, that comedy is taking people to dark areas and showing them the light.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: people  dark  comedy 
     
    I don't need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: friends 
     
    If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: time 
     
    Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: women 
     
    I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: thoughts  jesus 
     
    How old is too old to stop believing in, like, the tooth fairy? Like 12? I've got a cousin who is 18... Yeah, still believes in gay marriage.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: believe  gay  marriage 
     
    Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: laughter  medicine 
     
    Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: depression 
     
    If I have enough money to support myself, I'll just give stuff away. I just, I want people to see it and I want to be able to do this for a living, you know what I mean? So it's just a balance. If I'm not doing well for five years, then I'm selling stuff, but if I'm doing well and I can afford to give stuff away, I'll always do that.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: people  living  balance  money  year 
     
    I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: sad 
     
    I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: trust 
     
    What's important is that you stay true to yourself. Because when you enter the real world, the most valuable thing you can bring is all your you-ness. The world doesn't need any more hot chicks or tough guys or smooth talkers - the world needs more you. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: world  true  real 
     
    Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: people  quotes 
     
    Do unto others as you would have them do to you, said the rapist.
    — Bo Burnham
    Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: women 
     
    I'm bored way too easily. I'm staring at screens half the day. I need to be overstimulated. And how will that express itself artistically?
    — Bo Burnham
    I've found nothing but support and generosity from older comics. I think comedians are a lot nicer than the stigma is, at least from my experience.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: experience 
     
    I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, [...] I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: music  media 
     
    The average person has one Fallopian tube.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: people 
     
    People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: time  people  artist 
     
    Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: book 
     
    I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me...
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: funny 
     
    I have a pretty good math mind, so I can see patterns, but I don't have a great ear. It's like a tragedy - I can see so much more natural musical ability in so many other people.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: people  tragedy  mind 
     
    If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn't respect that.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: belief  people  respect 
     
    I remember being superyoung, like nine or ten years old, and thinking, 'Man, I wonder what famous people eat for breakfast. They must have some special kind of cereal!' My mind was so warped by the idea of fame.
    — Bo Burnham
    When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.
    — Bo Burnham
    I'm happy with what I'm doing. I try not to focus on how I've changed. I just try to focus on what I'm doing now.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: focus 
     
    Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I don't think my opinion's that valid. They're just silly jokes. Usually I just take a topic that isn't funny at all, like Shakespeare, and work backwards. I just try to find an unfunny subject.
    — Bo Burnham
    tags: work  funny  true  opinion 
     
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