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    alice miller Quotes

    A child too, can never grasp the fact that the same mother who cooks so well, is so concerned about his cough, and helps so kindly with his homework, in some circumstance has no more feeling than a wall of his hidden inner world.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: children  world  help  child  facts  mother 
     
    The abused children are alone with their suffering, not only within the family, but also within themselves. They cannot crate a place in their own soul where they could cry their beart out.
    — Alice Miller
    The reason why parents mistreat their children has less to do with character and temperament than with the fact that they were mistreated themselves and were not permitted to defend themselves.
    — Alice Miller
    The free expression of resentment against one's parents represents a great opportunity. It provides access to one's true self, reactivates numbed feelings, opens the way for mourning and - with luck - reconciliation.
    — Alice Miller
    Genuine feelings cannot be produced, nor can they be eradicated. We can only repress them, delude ourselves, and deceive our bodies. The body sticks to the facts.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: body  facts 
     
    Courage can be just as infectious as fear.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: fear  courage 
     
    For the human soul is virtually indestructible, and its ability to rise from the ashes remains as long as the body draws breath.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: human  soul  body 
     
    That probably greatest of narcissistic wounds - not to have been loved just as one truly was - cannot heal without the work of mourning.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: work 
     
    Clinging uncritically to traditional ideas and beliefs often serves to obscure or deny real facts of our life history.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: belief  real  facts  ideas 
     
    Child abuse is still sanctioned - indeed, held in high regard - in our society as long as it is defined as child-rearing. It is a tragic fact that parents beat their children in order to escape the emotions from how they were treated by their own parents.
    — Alice Miller
    All children are born to grow, to develop, to live, to love, and to articulate their needs and feelings for their self-protection
    — Alice Miller
    tags: children  live  child 
     
    I have never known a patient to portray his parents more negatively than he actually experienced them in childhood but always more positively-because idealization of his parents was essential for his survival.
    — Alice Miller
    It is not true that evil, destructiveness , and perversion inevitably form part of human existence, no matter how often this is maintained. But it is true that we are daily producing more evil and, with it, an ocean of suffering for millions that is absolutely avoidable. When one day the ignorance arising from childhood repression is eliminated and humanity has awakened, an end can be put to this production of evil.
    — Alice Miller
    The art of not experiencing feelings. A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her, and supports her. If that person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother's love of her substitute in order to feel, then she will repress emotions.
    — Alice Miller
    The more we idealize the past and refuse to acknowledge our childhood sufferings, the more we pass them on unconsciously to the next generation.
    — Alice Miller
    The commandment to refrain from placing blame on our parents, deeply imprinted in us by our upbringing, skillfully performs the function of hiding essential truths from us.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: truth  parent 
     
    Many people suffer all their lives from this oppressive feeling of guilt, the sense of not having lived up to their parents' expectations. This feeling is stronger than any intellectual insight they might have, that it is not a child's task or duty to satisfy his parents needs. No argument can overcome these guilt feelings, for they have their beginnings in life's earliest periods, and from that they derive their intensity and obduracy.
    — Alice Miller
    In the short term, corporal punishment may produce obedience. But it is a fact documented by research that in the long term the results are inability to learn, violence and rage, bullying, cruelty, inability to feel another's pain, especially that of one's own children, even drug addiction and suicide, unless there are enlightened or at least helping witnesses on hand to prevent that development.
    — Alice Miller
    someday we will regard our children not as creatures to manipulate or to change but rather as messengers from a world we once deeply knew, but which we have long since forgotten, who can reveal to us more about the true secrets of life, and also our own lives, than our parents were ever able to.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: children  secret  live  world  true  child  parent 
     
    The victimization of children is nowhere forbidden; what is forbidden is to write about it.
    — Alice Miller
    Wherever I look, I see signs of the commandment to honor one's parents and nowhere of a commandment that calls for the respect of a child.
    — Alice Miller
    The truth about our childhood is stored up in our body, and although we can repress it, we can never alter it. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings manipulated, and conceptions confused, and our body tricked with medication. But someday our body will present its bill, for it is as incorruptible as a child, who, still whole in spirit, will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting us until we stop evading the truth.
    — Alice Miller
    Where there had been only fearful emptiness or equally frightening grandiose fan­tasies, an unexpected wealth of vitality is now discovered. This is not a homecoming, since this home has never before existed. It is the creation of home.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: creation  wealth 
     
    Disrespect is the weapon of the weak
    — Alice Miller
    Society chooses to disregard the mistreatment of children, judging it to be altogether normal because it is so commonplace.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: children  society  child 
     
    Genuine feelings are never the product of conscious effort. They are quite simply there, and they are there for a very good reason, even if that reason is not always apparent.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: conscious 
     
    Children who are respected learn respect. Children who are cared for learn to care for those weaker than themselves. Children who are loved for what they are cannot learn intolerance. In an environment such as this, they will develop their own ideals, which can be nothing other than humane, since they grew out of the experience of love.
    — Alice Miller
    One of the best ways of keeping your temper in an argument, as most of us know only too well, is not to listen to anything the other person has to say.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: people 
     
    We produce destructive people by the way we are treating them in childhood.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: people  childhood 
     
    It is precisely because a child's feelings are so strong that they cannot be repressed without serious consequences. The stronger a prisoner is, the thicker the prison walls have to be, which impede or completely prevent later emotional growth.
    — Alice Miller
    The only possible recourse a baby has when his screams are ignored is to repress his distress, which is tantamount to mutilating his soul, for the result is an interference with his ability to feel, to be aware, and to remember.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: soul 
     
    Child abuse damages a person for life and that damage is in no way diminished by the ignorance of the perpetrator. It is only with the uncovering of the complete truth as it affects all those involved that a genuinely viable solution can be found to the dangers of child abuse.
    — Alice Miller
    Without realizing that the past is constantly determining their present actions, they avoid learning anything about their history. They continue to live in their repressed childhood situation, ignoring the fact that is no longer exists, continuing to fear and avoid dangers that, although once real, have not been real for a long time.
    — Alice Miller
    We don't yet know, above all, what the world might be like if children were to grow up without being subjected to humiliation, if parents would respect them and take them seriously as people.
    — Alice Miller
    Ultimately the body will rebel. Even if it can be temporarily pacified with the help of drugs, cigarettes or medicine, it usually has the last word because it is quicker to see through self-deception than the mind. We may ignore or deride the messages of the body, but its rebellion demands to be heeded because its language is the authentic expression of our true selves and of the strength of our vitality.
    — Alice Miller
    An unacknowledged trauma is like a wound that never heals over and may start to bleed again at any time.
    — Alice Miller
    tags: time  trauma 
     
    Experience has taught us that we have only one enduring weapon in our struggle against mental illness: the emotional discovery and emotional acceptance of the truth in the individual and unique history of our childhood.
    — Alice Miller
    Learning is a result of listening, which in turn leads to even better listening and attentiveness to the other person. In other words, to learn from the child, we must have empathy, and empathy grows as we learn.
    — Alice Miller
    We are still barely conscious of how harmful it is to treat children in a degrading manner. Treating them with respect and recognizing the consequences of their being humiliated are by no means intellectual matters; otherwise, their importance would long since have been generally recognized.
    — Alice Miller
    I sincerely believe that we not only have the right to know what is good and what is evil; we have the duty to acquire that knowledge if we hope to assume responsibility for our own lives and those of our children. Only by knowing the truth can we be set free.
    — Alice Miller
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    alice miller
    Birth    : January 12, 1923
    Death  : April 14, 2010
    Occupation  : Psychologist