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    adam carolla Quotes

    I guess my feeling is is that if you're going to make a joke, that's fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you're trying to make.
    — Adam Carolla
    Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: people  tax 
     
    A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
    — Adam Carolla
    If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: water  sell  butterfly 
     
    I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: people  water 
     
    I'm not a Republican.
    — Adam Carolla
    I've never really broken this down before, but, in movies, you almost have no connection to fans. And if you do TV, you're kind of connected, but they know you as the TV name not your real name. If you do radio, there's more of a bond there. And then if you do a podcast it's like you're literally inside of your fans.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: broken  real  movie 
     
    I mean, we sit around and we go, you know, 'Torture doesn't work.' Well, it's been around for 5,000 years. Most stuff that doesn't work goes the way of the dodo pretty quick, like waterbeds and 8-tracks and things like that.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: work  year 
     
    If the media isn't slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: media 
     
    When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.
    — Adam Carolla
    I was a horrible student.
    — Adam Carolla
    If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: funny  joy 
     
    I don't know that I appreciate things more because of how I grew up, but I am very realistic with what I expect out of people and what they expect out of me.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: people  appreciate 
     
    I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.
    — Adam Carolla
    If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
    — Adam Carolla
    Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
    — Adam Carolla
    It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: challenge  water 
     
    I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
    — Adam Carolla
    No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.
    — Adam Carolla
    Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: time 
     
    People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: people  dreams 
     
    I don't think healthcare's a right. The only right you have is the ability to go out on an even playing field and work, and then purchase health insurance, or whatever it is.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: health  work  right 
     
    Everything seems overwhelming when you stand back and look at the totality of it. I build a lot of stuff and it would all seem impossible if I didn't break it down piece by piece, stage by stage. The best gift you can give yourself is some drive-that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates. The believe-in-yourself adage is grossly overrated.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: impossible  job  gift 
     
    I had two thoughts about it. One was I could do that, and the next one was I'll never get to do that.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: thoughts 
     
    You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
    — Adam Carolla
    If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: focus  fun  dog  business 
     
    I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: people  right 
     
    Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: sex 
     
    Don't do your best, do my best.
    — Adam Carolla
    Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: patriotism 
     
    I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: time  future 
     
    When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
    — Adam Carolla
    Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: gay 
     
    All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
    — Adam Carolla
    You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: internet 
     
    People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: smart  people  college  money 
     
    There are certain things women are better at than men.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: men  women 
     
    My mom was on welfare and the occasional food stamp, but I have never participated in any of those governmental programs, even the ones that kind of work like education, scholarships and whatever, and I managed to do just fine.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: work  food  education 
     
    Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: stories 
     
    The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
    — Adam Carolla
    tags: beauty  definition 
     
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