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    a. p. herbert Quotes

    The Englishman never enjoys himself except for a noble purpose.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: noble 
     
    I am sure that the party system is right and necessary. There must be some scum.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: right 
     
    A man who has made up his mind on a given subject twenty-five years ago and continues to hold his political opinions after he has been proved to be wrong is a man of principle; while he who from time to time adapts his opinions to the changing circumstances of life is an opportunist.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: time  men  wrong  opinion  political  mind  year 
     
    This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid; there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade.
    — A. P. Herbert
    The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: men  law  england 
     
    An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: noble 
     
    Harriet, Hi! Light of my eye! Come to the pictures and have a good cry, For it's jolly old Saturday, Mad-as-a-hatter-day, Nothing-much-matter-day-night!
    — A. P. Herbert
    There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: music  example  imagine 
     
    A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: women  blessing  virtue 
     
    The essence of humour is surprise; that is why you laugh when you see a joke in Punch.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: humour 
     
    An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: men  god 
     
    Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.
    — A. P. Herbert
    Citizens who take it upon themselves to do unusual actions which attract the attention of the police should be careful to bring these actions into one of the recognized categories of crimes and offences, for it is intolerable that the police should be put to the pains of inventing reasons for finding them undesirable.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: crimes  pain  action  attention 
     
    Well, fancy giving money to the Government! Might as well have put it down the drain.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: giving  money 
     
    Justice should be cheap but judges expensive.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: justice 
     
    People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: people  fun 
     
    As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: people  poor  goodbye  father 
     
    aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: men 
     
    Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: dog  mother 
     
    A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.
    — A. P. Herbert
    My ball is in a bunch of fern, A jolly place to be; An angry man is close astern- He waves his club at me. Well, let him wave-the sky is blue; Go on, old ball, we are but two-We may be down in three, Or nine-or ten-or twenty-five-It matters not; to be alive, Is good enough for me.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: men  sky 
     
    The portions of a woman which appeal to man's depravity Are constructed with considerable care.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: women  care 
     
    The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: people  living  spirit  year 
     
    The rain is plentious but, by God's decree,Only a third is meant for you and me;Two-thirds are taken by the growing thingsOr vanish Heavenward on vapour's wings:Nor does it mathematically fallWith social equity on one and all.The population's habit is to growIn every region where the water's low:Nature is blamed for failings that are Man's,And well-run rivers have to change their plans.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: rain  water  god 
     
    Greenfly, it's difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: god 
     
    For I must write to The Times tonight, and save the world from sin.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: time  world  sin  write 
     
    Let's stop somebody from doing something! Everybody does too much.
    — A. P. Herbert
    The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.
    — A. P. Herbert
    Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.
    — A. P. Herbert
    tags: men  golf  games 
     
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